Tuesday, December 17, 2013

A Christmas Letter From Jim Melweski



A Christmas Letter From Jim Melweski

Well, Hey, There and Merry Ho-Ho-Ho!

It’s that time of year, again. That time when I say Merry Christmas to you and yours and ours. I just put up the tree and decorated it all by myself. A little heavy on the tinsel on one side because my older brother Ed stopped by to help and he never got out of his chair. One hand on a Bush Lite and one hand flinging the shiny until he passed out. That Ed. He cracks me up.

Another year has ticked and tocked its way out the door. Where does the time go? I’m still working at the post office. Knock on wood! The gang from there – Holly, Chip, Rashida, Phillip, Willie, Tor and Yvonne all say hello and salutations, I’m sure. Tor said a funny thing the other day. We were sorting boxes in the back and he shook one real hard and said, “Sounds like someone’s been naughty!” He cracks me up. The thing on his nose looks like it’s getting bigger.

Artemio and his family downstairs seem like they are doing well. I hear them laughing and watching television. The other day, the police came by and took Artemio, Jr. away. Artemio saw me looking out my window and just shrugged his shoulders like, “Kids. What are you going do?” And he’s right. Kids. What are you going to do?

Missy, or The Furnado, as I like to call her, is doing better. She has stopped chewing on her butt and will let you pet her as long as you don’t sneak up on her. I don’t know why she’s so nervous. She won’t even let me give her late night bubble baths any more. Cats. What are you going to do?

Come Christmas, I’ll be spending the day at my Aunt Sheila’s. Her house smells like talcum powder and I’m sure she still wears girdles. She likes to cook Ed and me a dinner of ham, scalloped potatoes and green beans. For dessert, we’ll have ambrosia with lime Jell-O, mini-marshmallows and shredded coconut. It’s just not Christmas without my Aunt Sheila’s ambrosia. After dinner, Ed will sleep on the couch while Aunt Sheila and I watch “A Christmas Story” on the portable TV in the bathroom while I wash the sores on her back.

Well, I hope you and your family had a good year and has an even better one in 2014. If you’re not doing anything on New Year’s Eve, let me know. I’m going to have some friends over to watch the ball drop on the television. I will warm-up some bite-sized pizza rounds and spring for a case of Bush Lite. Ed falls asleep around 11pm. I like to stay up and see the New Year being rung in in the different time zones. It makes me feel like I’m from the future! And I like to see what rock and roll musical acts are popular these days. It’s not the same without old Dick Clark, but it’s something.

Merry Christmas!

Until Next Year!
                     Jim Melewski


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Joe Janes Writes Six 10-Minute Plays In One Day In The Lobby Of Stage773 While Some Jerks Try To Distract Him



 (Joe Janes writes a play while the Chicago skyline attempts to distract him. Nice try, Willis Tower. Nice try.)

On the morning of Saturday, October 19th, Joe Janes will meet with six directors and eighteen actors. He will spend the rest of the day at the bar in the lobby of Stage773 writing six ten-minute plays for them. While he does this, you and special guests are invited to stop by and distract him. Some confirmed guests include a singer, a contortionist, a Shakespearean actor and a demonstration on catching demons.

Sunday, October 20th, the actors and directors will return and rehearse their plays all day and perform them that night at 7:30pm.
Stage773, 1225 West Belmont, Chicago, IL
Sunday October 20, 2013 7:30pm
Tickets $10 (plus some stupid fees)
www.stage773.com or by calling 773-327-5252

Joe Janes does not believe in writer’s block and seems to enjoy going out of his way to prove it doesn’t exist. “There’s either writing or not writing. You never hear an improviser say, ‘I was going to improvise, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.’”

Every year for the past four years, Joe Janes has challenged himself to write. In 2009-10, he wrote a comedy sketch a day for a year. In 2011, he collected 50 10-minute plays, 36 of which were written in two months, for a production at Strawdog Theater. In the summer of 2012, he wrote Seven Deadly Plays – a 10-minute play-a-day for a week culminating in all of them being presented on the seventh day.  Collections of his produced works are available on-line and at Quimby’s bookstore.

Directors
Cassie Ahiers - Cassie Ahiers is a Director, Improviser and Writer. She recently graduated from Columbia College with a degree in Sloth Appreciation.

Jesus Contreras - Wishes Bertolt Brecht was alive today. And his friend.

Stephanie Douglass - Stephanie Douglass is a farmer, writer, and performer. In New York, Stephanie is a co-founder of The TEAM, and in Chicago, she improvises with Eleanor, and has been featured at Here's the Story, This Much Is True, Real Talk Live, Paper Machete, Write Club, Story Club South Side, Adult Education, I Sh*t You Not, and all kinds of other story-filled events. She is a Moth GrandSLAM winner, and during the week, she grows delicious, organic veggies and trains people with employment barriers for Growing Home.

Katie Horwitz - Katie is an artistic associate at Stage Left Theatre. She most recently assistant directed "Warped" by Barbara Lhota.

John Jughead Pierson - John Jughead Pierson is the co-founder and guitarist for the acoustic band Even In Blackouts and the punk band formerly known as Screeching Weasel. He is a Neo-Futurist. He has published two novels: Weasels In A Box and The Last Temptation of Clarence Odbody.

J. Cody Spellman - J. Cody Spellman is a freelance director, dramaturg, and producer who has graduated from the directing theater program at Columbia College Chicago. He is an artistic associate of The Fine Print Theatre Co. and Stage 773, as well as the producing manager of Blood Oath Improv.

Featuring: Johnathan Wallace, Matt Ulrich, Paige Saliba, Monica Gilley, Erin O'Brien, Jack Gallagher, Zachary Kirk Lutz, Anthony Lombard, Jeff Irlbeck, Jordan Hoisington, Brad Bankemper, Katie Utterback, Deanna Moffitt, Xavier Jordan and more!

Joe Janes is an Emmy award winning writer and teaches comedy writing at The Second City and Columbia College. He has written for Jellyvision's You Don't Know Jack and SNL's Weekend Update. He has three books of his produced work: 365 Sketches, 50 Plays and Seven Deadly Plays. His full-length plays include Metaluna and the Science of the Mind Revue, A Hard Day's Journey Into Night and Always Never. He writes regularly for WNEP Theatre and Robot vs Dinosaur.

Stage773
1225 West Belmont
Sunday October 20, 2013 7:30pm
Tickets $10 (plus some stupid fees)
www.stage773.com or by calling 773-327-5252

Thursday, October 3, 2013

SEEKING DISTRACTIONS


SEEKING DISTRACTIONS - on Saturday, October 19th, from 11am to midnight, I will be at the bar at Stage773 writing six 10-minute plays. I'm looking for volunteers to come distract me every half hour for a few minutes. If you just want to stop by and visit, you can do that anytime. If you'd like to come by and sing me a song, show me a magic trick, tell me a joke, juggle some chain saws, show me your latest interpretive dance, whatever, then let me know in the comments section and I will schedule you for a slot! If you know anyone who might be interested, please let them know. Thanks!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

What's Joe-ing On?

I promise I will never, ever use that title ever again. Ever.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21ST!




Staged Reading of selections from 
Seven Deadly Plays and Thensome 
Quimby's Bookstore, 1854 West North Avenue in Chicago. 
7PM. Free! 

This is from Quimby's website...

In Joe Janes’s new book Seven Deadly Plays, he assembles seven plays he wrote that are set in dangerous places in and around Chicago. All the plays were written in one week and then presented at Strawdog Theatre in the summer of 2012. The locations include a speedboat on Lake Michigan, an urban farm in Englewood, the abandoned Damen Silos, a haunted cemetery, a fun house, up in a big tree and Lower Wacker. The approach was similar to how many 24-Hour projects are constructed. Directors and casts were predetermined. Janes visited each site and then wrote a play that day which was submitted to the director and actors the following morning. The first group had six days to prep their play. The last group had the day of opening night to get ready. The result was a dynamic mix of comedy and drama in some very unusual settings.

Joe Janes is an Emmy award winning writer and former stand-up who teaches comedy writing at The Second City and Columbia College. He has written for Jellyvision's You Don't Know Jack and SNL's Weekend Update. He has written three books: 365 Sketches, 50 Plays and Seven Deadly Plays. His full-length plays include Metaluna and the Science of the Mind Revue, A Hard Day's Journey Into Night and Always Never. He writes regularly for WNEP Theatre and Robot vs Dinosaur. He has been a director for Second City for over ten years including directing the national touring company and Second City main stages in Las Vegas and Detroit.

"Silly, bizarre, violent, and provocative...the pieces showcase Janes's willingness to take risks of all kinds." - Chicago Reader on 50 Plays

The reading will feature Joe, Janes, Paige Saliba, Jill Olson, Derrick Gaetke, Ricky Staffieri, Ryan Hake, Jared Popkin, Natalie Danger O'Sullivan, Nat Topping, Rammel Chan and Stephanie Douglass


The book is now available at Quimby's or on-line at Lulu. It's only $10.


SUNDAY, OCTOBER 20TH!




THE SIX DISTRACTIONS

Six Directors. Eighteen Actors. One Distracted Writer.

It's like a 24-hour play festival with just one writer writing six 10-minute plays in one day in the lobby of a theatre. I'll write the plays at the bar (of course) of Stage773 on Saturday, October 19th. Feel free to stop by and distract me. On Sunday, the actors and directors get their scripts and work all day to put them up at 7:30pm. Nuts.

The directors include Stephanie Douglass, Katie Horwitz, Cassie Ahiers and Cody Spellman.

Tickets will be $10. They're not on sale yet. Will let you know. Strongly recommend they be purchased in advance on this one. 


FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY NOVEMBER 8, 9 10!!!




"3 Plays. 3 Days. An Intense Writing Intensive with Joe Janes" returns! 

In three days, participants will learn how to write improvisationally, ultimately generating three ten-minute plays. Each student will have one of their plays performed in a staged reading on the third day by some of Chicago's finest actors. Some writing experience is recommended. Class size is limited to 7. $150 until 10/20/13; $175 after. REG DEADLINE IS 10/31/13.

PLEASE NOTE: Class times are Friday 11/8 from 6-9 pm; Saturday 11/9 from 12-6 pm, and Sunday 11/10 from 12-6 pm with the final showcase at 7:30 pm that evening. Tickets to the public reading are $5 and may be purchased at gorillatango.com or at the door.


The workshop went so well, Gorilla Tango wanted to book another one right away. So, we did. Here's what some of the students from last time had to say...

"I was flat out terrified to take the class (and seriously considered skipping) but I am so glad that I did. It was a great experience and I really enjoyed working with everyone in the class. I think regardless of the level you're at, you will be able to participate in and take a lot away from the class. I would also say there is a lot more to the experience than just the writing, and it is an excellent experience." - Alexandra

"Every writer hoping to expand their skills should take Joe Jane's class. It will be impossible to become the next  Shakespeare or Williams without doing so." - Patrick

Hear that, next Shakespeare-wannabe? Better sign-up for this workshop. You can do that by clicking HERE.




Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Get On Your Ass And Write


3 Days. 3 Plays.


An Intense Writing Intensive with Joe Janes

Get Off On Your Ass and Write Three Ten Minute Plays

September 6, 7, 8

Includes a staged reading of your work Sunday evening of the weekend

Joe Janes is an Emmy award-winning writer who teaches comedy writing at The Second
City and Columbia College. He has written for Jellyvision's You Don't Know Jack and
SNL's Weekend Update. He has three books of his works: 365 Sketches, 50 Plays and
Seven Deadly Plays.

“silly, bizarre, violent, and provocative...the pieces showcase Janes's willingness
to take risks of all kinds." - Chicago Reader
Tuition: $100

To register, go to gorillatango.com or call 773-598-4549

Monday, September 2, 2013

Why I Hate Playwright Discussion Groups

I recently joined an on-line playwrights group as a way to find out about theatre companies looking for scripts. I have been really great at generating material, not so great at letting theatre companies know about it. Generally speaking, whether it's on-line or in person, playwrights talking about playwriting is painfully masturbatory - steel wool with sand as a lubricant painful. I found this thread the other day that really cracked me up. I won't give specifics as to why because real names appear (It's a public group that you can find if you have the gumption.). I shared it with my girlfriend who begged me to take the day to write a play that fit the description. I declined but compromised by writing a synopsis which I also posted to the thread. I think I have my entry for Drekfest next year! Click on the images to make them larger.





"3 Plays. 3 Days. An Intense Writing Intensive with Joe Janes" is this coming weekend!!! Been putting off registering? Well, today is your lucky day. Your procrastination has paid off. Follow this link and find out why. (Ahem... discount. Just for you. Because you know me and I am your friend.)

Thursday, August 22, 2013

You Already Suck




In my writing classes, on occasion, a student will not bring in an assignment because they didn’t like what they wrote. “It sucked.” It’s a lame excuse. It’s a class. You’re there to hopefully move from “suck” to “not suck.” If students brought in awesome scenes every week, I would not have a job. There’s also the consideration that, as a writer, you aren’t ever fully aware of what you wrote. You’re too close to it and need the outside perspective of fresh ears and eyes to help you distinguish the good from the not-so-good. Quite often, what a student thinks is brilliant, isn’t, and what they didn’t even regard as being an insightful, hilarious moment, is.

I know a thing or two about sucking. I have written pieces that have sucked the energy out of the room. I have written sketches that make people want to stand up and stretch afterward to try to work out the charley horse my words inflicted on their souls. As a teacher, I have witnessed scenes that make me want to hit people in the head with a stick. Yes. You will write things that suck. Pure and simple. You will also write things that make people squeal with delight and wish they had your fancy writer brains. And while you are writing you will almost always think you suck. You can’t help it. It’s an automatic human defense mechanism kicking in to help you avoid danger. Your mind is wrong, of course. Eating the large wheels of cheese of sharing poor writing will not kill you. And, more often than not, the horrible thing you wrote will help lead you to the next awesome thing you will write.

You are a conduit to many wonderful and humorous ideas. You’re only job is to keep that channel open so you can process those ideas into marvelous scripts. In order to do that, you also have to be willing to deal with the crap that floats through that system as well. Never let “It sucked” jam up the conduit.

When I hear someone say, “It sucked” they are really expressing the fear that they suck. They shouldn’t be writing. They are in the wrong place. If I don’t present the evidence of sucking, then maybe people won’t catch on that I actually do suck. This will get you nowhere. You won’t be able to wait until you don’t suck to write the good stuff. The only way out is through. Write. Write anyway. You already suck.  Embrace it and give up hope of not sucking. Fretting about it only keeps you from writing freely. Give it up. You suck. Now write.

This clip from HBO’s amazing mini-series Band of Brothers explains it better than I just did, because, well, I suck.



Tuesday, August 20, 2013

More Quimby's Fun Coming Up





Quimby’s Bookstore

1854 West North Avenue
Chicago IL 60622
773/342-0910
www.quimbys.com


Joe Janes and Friends Present Staged Readings From
Seven Deadly Plays at Quimby’s

In Joe Janes’s new book Seven Deadly Plays (Lulu Press, inc), he assembles seven plays he wrote that are set in dangerous places in and around Chicago. All the plays were written in one week and then presented at Strawdog Theatre in the summer of 2012. The locations include a speedboat on Lake Michigan, an urban farm in Englewood, the abandoned Damen Silos, a haunted cemetery, a fun house, up in a big tree and Lower Wacker. The approach was similar to how many 24-Hour projects are constructed. Directors and casts were predetermined. Janes visited each site and then wrote a play that day which was submitted to the director and actors the following morning. The first group had six days to prep their play. The last group had the day of opening night to get ready.  The result was a dynamic mix of comedy and drama in some very unusual settings.

"silly, bizarre, violent, and provocative...the pieces showcase Janes's willingness to take risks of all kinds." - Chicago Reader on 50 Plays

Joe Janes is an Emmy award winning writer and former stand-up who teaches comedy writing at The Second City and Columbia College. He has written for Jellyvision's "You Don't Know Jack" and SNL's "Weekend Update." He has written three books: 365 Sketches, 50 Plays and Seven Deadly Plays. His full-length plays include Metaluna and the Science of the Mind Revue, A Hard Day's Journey Into Night and Always Never. He writes regularly for WNEP Theatre and Robot vs Dinosaur. He has been a director for Second City for over ten years including directing the national touring company and Second City main stages in Las Vegas and Detroit.

For more info: joejanes.blogspot.com or e-mail joejanes1065@gmail.com


Saturday, September 21st, 7pm – Free Event
Quimby’s Bookstore  Chicago, IL quimbys.com






Monday, August 19, 2013

Game. Stop.



Last Friday was a little fundraiser for the next installment of Seven Deadly Plays in the basement of The Abbey Pub.  Everyone did such a fine job. The storytellers rocked, Blood Oath delivered some damn fine improv comedy, Cassie and her crew capped the evening nicely with a staged reading. Elisa provided some amazing ticket giveaways for Abbey Pub shows and Don Hall and I devised some fun ways for people to win those tickets. Instead of a raffle, we decided to have people compete in short improv games. Everyone who played won something. Good times.

In honor of the event, I wrote a short play for the space we were in similar to how the Seven Deadly Plays were written. On Thursday afternoon, I met with director Michael Carnow and we checked out the place. There were coats on a long rack along one wall, which is also the area we were going to use to perform. They asked if they should move the coats and we excitedly said "No!" The coats were left behind by people who forget them and never came back for them. Some of them have been there since winter. If you read the play below, you'll find out what Michael and I discovered amongst the coats.

Below is the piece I wrote for Carnow and his crew. I started writing it at 5:45pm Thursday, taught a class, finished it up at home, went to bed, got up and polished it some more and sent it off to everyone at 8:15am Friday.

I worked with them last year on the Damen Silos piece which, if you haven't seen it, is quite serious and a little gut wrenching. I was determined to deliver a comedy to them with some fun stuff for them to do as an alternative.

And here it is...


"Game Stop"
Written by Joe Janes
8/16/13

Cast:
Barbra (Rebecca Loesser)
J.J. (Chris Waldron)
Moose (Erika Geller)
Dave Kitsberg (audience member)

(Lights up on J.J. working the coat check at The Bottom Bar. Moose, a woman, is behind the bar.)

J.J.
Welcome to The Bottom. I’m J.J.. I’ll take your coat and at the end of the night, you’ll throw me a buck or two if you’re not a jerk. People come here to sand off the edges of the day, meet someone, and put some new edges on the night. Sometimes they fall in love. Not the fireworks and harp strings kind of love. More like the screeching tires and breaking dishes kind. Moose behind the bar will keep the evening’s gears greased for you. How are you doing tonight, Moose?

MOOSE
Rent is due, I ate a gyro too fast and my panties keep riding up my crack.

J.J.
That’s Moose.

MOOSE
And my cat died.

J.J.
Sorry to hear about Mr. Fucker.

MOOSE
Drowned himself in his own water bowl.

J.J.
Your cat committed suicide?

MOOSE
Yep. Mr. Fucker cashed in his own chips and I don’t know why. I hate it when they don’t leave a note.

J.J.
This is The Bottom. During the slow times, I like to go through your pockets. I don’t steal nothing. I’m just a curious creature. (J.J. reaches into the pocket of a coat and takes a nametag out.) Hmmm... Lookie here. (He puts it on someone in the audience.) For all intents and purposes, from now and for the next ten minutes, you shall be known as Dave Kitsberg, GameStop store manager. (J.J. returns to his station at the coat check.) Not sure I’d want to be in your shoes, tonight. (Barbra enters and with very little energy and enthusiasm hands him her coat and sighs.) Sheesh, Barbra. Looks like you should have stayed in bed.

BARBRA
I tried, J.J.. It just reminds me of him too much. It smells like him. I need to drag my bed out to the alley on trash day.

J.J.
Or you could do laundry.

BARBRA
That's not an option. Some day. Some day I’ll do laundry. (She sniffs her blouse.) Right now, I just need to forget.

J.J.
You picked a bad night.

(She looks at him quizzically. He indicates with his head that Dave Kitsberg is sitting not far from there. She looks with a mix of hurt and disgust.)

BARBRA (to J.J.)
Who's the harlot?

J.J.
I don't know. Ain't never seen her before. Don't go doing anything stupid.

BARBRA
Thirty-three years too late for that advice, J.J..

J.J.
Then don't do anything stupid while sober. Go see Moose.

BARBRA
Maybe I will.

(Barbra walks over to the bar while giving the evil eye to Dave Kitsberg and his date. Moose is behind the bar cleaning glasses.)

MOOSE
Hey, Barbra.

BARBRA
Is he looking at me?

MOOSE
Is who looking at you?

BARBRA
Dave Kitsberg. The store manager at GameStop.

MOOSE
Yeah. He's looking at you.

BARBRA
Does he look forlorn?

MOOSE
Does he look what?

BARBRA
Does he look like he’s eating a pork chop but wishes he had ordered the prime rib that just walked by?

MOOSE
He's kind of smirking a bit. Does forlorn look like smirking?

BARBRA
Pour me a double, Moose.

(Moose pours two shots.)

BARBRA
You could have put them in the same glass.

MOOSE
I thought double meant you wanted the same thing twice.

BARBRA
Never mind. (She does one of the shots and swings around to glare at Dave Kitsberg. She belches loudly and turns back to the bar with a flourish.)

BARBRA
I didn't mean to do that.

MOOSE
It sounded awesome.

(She picks up the other shot and walks toward Dave.)
  

BARBRA
Oh, hello, Dave Kitsberg. I didn't see you there. Is this your date? You’re quite lovely. (To Dave's date or whoever is sitting next to him. Fine if it's a guy, too.) Do things feel like they are going in slow motion to you, honey? Because that's what usually happens to me when I'm in an accident. The accident you are now in with Dave Kitsberg as your heart collides with his arrogant manhood. His big, handsome, rugged arrogant hood of man. (She does the shot.) I was going to throw this in your face, Dave Kitsberg, but even cheap booze isn't good enough for you.

(As much as she tries to suppress it, a burp still comes out. J.J. walks over with his coat.)

J.J.
Barbra, maybe you should get some air.

BARBRA
Maybe I should have gotten some air instead of stopping in to GameStop that night to trade in my Halo3. GameStop. (She laughs) Get it? Maybe you should stop the games, Dave Kitsberg. Do you remember what you said to me when I walked into your precious little store? Do you, Dave? Say it!

DAVE
.....

BARBRA
So fucking smooth. A woman doesn’t stand a chance with you, saying things like “......” while wearing your red GameStop polo shirt, your muscles rippling just beneath the cotton/poly blend. The way you walked in front of me and reached for the top shelf for my game. Presenting your butt to me. That butt! (To his date) Have you sunk your teeth into that, yet? Like bobbing for two big crisp apples on an ocean wave. You knew what you were doing the whole time. Luring me in. Setting a trap with your masculine wiles. Stop the games, Dave Kitsberg. Like the ones you played with my affection when you put your game cartridge into my XBox. He played for hours. He really knows his way around a woman’s controller. X-Y-B-B-A, X-Y-B-B-A, X-Y-B-B-A (She almost has an orgasm). And then you just tossed me aside like a used up Red Redemption and hooked up with whatever trashy shoot’em up came along.

(Moose walks over with two more shots and hands one to Barbra.)


J.J.
What are you doing?

MOOSE
This is getting good.

MOOSE
L’chaim.

(Barbra does one of the shots, burps, and Moose does the other.)

J.J.
Look, Dave. It's none of my business. I'm just a lowly coat checker. But I see you in here with a different beautiful girl on your arm every night of the week.

MOOSE
Of course you do, he’s the manager of a GameStop.

BARBRA
Every night?

J.J.
Every night.

MOOSE
Wait. You work coat check every night? Seven nights a week?

J.J.
Yes.

MOOSE
Your life sucks.

J.J.
I know. My point is, Dave Kitsberg, that when you and Barbra got together, I thought, maybe, just maybe. Maybe she'd be the one that would make you want to fall in love and settle down. She's a good woman. She deserves the best. That's why whenever she checks her coat with me, I put it near the front on a wooden hanger. I make sure it has room to breathe and isn't crowded by some over perfumed mink or some tobacco stinking overcoat.

BARBRA
You do that for me?

(He nods.)

MOOSE
I give you free drinks.

BARBRA
I don’t pay for my drinks?

MOOSE
I've never seen you pay and I don't push it. It's okay. I like the light you get in your eyes when you're tipsy.

BARBRA
That's so nice.

MOOSE
One time you were so drunk, I had to hold your hair for you while you ralphed in the urinal.

BARBRA
I don't remember that.

J.J.
I do. I wiped the vomit off your scarf and put you in a cab.

BARBRA
What do you know? I guess, I never saw the people who really care about me. Hear that, Dave Kitsberg? There are people who really care about me. I don’t need you. I never needed you. I'm sorry I interrupted. You and your harlot have a lovely evening. (To the harlot) If he tells you he can get you five free games a week, he's a liar.

J.J.
Do you want your jacket?

REBECAA
No, I do not. Please put it somewhere where it won’t smell like Dave Kitsberg or (sniffs Dave’s date) plums and toothpaste. Moose, start pouring.

MOOSE
I’ll get right on that.

(Moose gets behind the bar and pours another shot. Barbra follows.)

BARBRA
I don’t need a man like Dave Kitsberg tracking mud through my life. I have friends, right here. Moose and J.J.. I’m going to drink until I puke. Then J.J. is going to take me home and if I’m too drunk to make love to, just lie to me and tell me you did. Okay?

J.J.
We’ll not do it all night long.

BARBRA
Okay, then.  

J.J.
Well, Dave Kitsberg. Looks like she’s moving on. How do you do it, man? How do you have all these women and some men fawning all over you? What’s your secret?

DAVE
...

J.J.
I think I know what she’s going through. I find myself loving and hating you, too. (He heads back to his station and carefully hangs up Barbra’s coat.) This is The Bottom. Where people come to forget and make new memories that they will also try to forget.

BARBRA (Holds up glass.)
Fuck Dave Kitsberg.

(She drinks and belches. Blackout.)

Thursday, August 8, 2013


Click HERE for more info!

3 Days. 3 Plays. An Intense Writing Intensive


Get Off On Your Ass And Write!

3 Plays. 3 Days.
@ Gorilla Tango Theatre Chicago[Bucktown]
1919 N. Milwaukee Ave.
Chicago, IL 60647
3 Plays. 3 Days. - an intense writing intensive with Joe Janes. In three days, participants will learn how to write improvisationally, ultimately generating three ten-minute plays. Each student will have one of their plays performed in a staged reading on the third day by some of Chicago's finest actors. Some writing experience is recommended. Class size is limited to 7. PLEASE NOTE: Class runs Friday 9/6 from 4-7 pm; Saturday 9/7 from 12 - 6 pm; Sunday 9/8 from 12-6 pm followed by a public reading at 7 pm ($5 tickets for friends and family may be purchased via gorillatango.com). Joe Janes is an Emmy award winning writer who teaches comedy writing at The Second City and Columbia College. He has written for Jellyvision's "You Don't Know Jack" and SNL's "Weekend Update." He has written three books: 365 Sketches, 50 Plays and Seven Deadly Plays. His full-length plays include Metaluna and the Science of the Mind Revue, A Hard Day's Journey Into Night and Always Never. He writes regularly for WNEP Theatre and Robot vs Dinosaur.

Monday, August 5, 2013

3 Days. 3 Plays.


"3 Days. 3 Plays. An Intense Writing Intensive with Joe Janes"

Get off your ass and write. A lot. My workshop will be September 6, 7 and 8. You will write three ten-minute plays. The weekend will be capped off Sunday night with a staged reading featuring some of Chicago's finest actors under my direction. $200. Only a few slots left.

For more information or to sign-up, go to...

http://www.gorillatango.com/cgi-bin/public/gttv2.cgi?location_number=2&class_id=90